Interview with Rebecca - faith in the fire

Name: Rebecca Washburn

Story: (tell us about your experience with an injury or illness) I have chronic knee and eye pain. The summer before my freshman year, I tripped while running cross country and, unbeknownst to me, my knee dislocated. I continued to go for a couple more days, but my knee was not getting any better. I ended up waiting months before what was really going on was determined, I don’t have a groove to hold my kneecap in place. The chronic knee pain didn’t begin until after I had a surgery to prevent my kneecap from dislocating. It started as chronic regional pain syndrome(CRPS) as the problem began in my ankle, but after a while it was just chronic knee pain. Later on in Junior year, my knee began to flare up again and so I had another surgery to get rid of cartilage, but I also had to tackle the chronic side of the pain. I had to retrain my brain about the pain signals that I’m getting. I had to dive back into physical therapy to get better stability. I’ve recently graduated from physical therapy and while I still have pain, it’s manageable.

The eye pain started the summer before my sophomore year when I went to a movie. I thought it was just because of exhaustion as I had just done a long week of volunteering at VBS, until the next day when it got worse at church. Since the pain was worse, I ended up going to an urgent care instead of staying for the rest of the service. The next month I met with several doctors, with no results, until we met with this one doctor that seemed promising. For months I went to this doctor doing eye exercises without any change, until it was determined that my eyes were able to focus and there was nothing else to be done on this route. The search for a doctor who had an idea continued, even going to a neuro-opthamologist (a very rare specialist) who had some thoughts, but were inaccurate as the doctor didn’t fully understand what I was trying to explain. After a while of searching we found out about this physical therapist who treated a lot of special cases. I went and saw this pt and he said he had an idea. He worked with me for a few weeks and I started seeing results! After a few months the pain was basically gone, but I still have flare ups. It’s not technically cured, but I have a way to fix it when the pain comes back and I celebrate having that.

How has it changed you?

My knee pain brought me to Christ. I have been going to church all my life, but my knee pain brought me to my knees (figuratively because I still have trouble kneeling) and had me crying out to God. My freshman year I was baptized. When the eye pain hit, I had to fight to keep my faith as I was struggling to go to church because I couldn’t handle the number of people and I couldn’t focus. The only way I had to feel God’s presence during that time was listening to music and praying. The eye pain really showed me the power of prayer. It’s also taught me to not judge people; not to judge their healing time, not to judge their pain, and not to assume that since I can’t see it that it’s not real.

What was the most important lesson you have learned?

This is tough, I learned so much from these injuries, but I’d say the most important is to have faith. Have faith that God will pull you through. Have faith that God is real. Have faith that God will use this battle for good. Everything I’ve learned has really boiled down to having faith, whether it’s faith in God or faith in other people (that they’re not lying or to trust them to help me when I need it).

Was there something you could have done or not done to prevent it?

I could’ve prevented my eye pain by not clenching my jaw and paying attention to my posture, but my knee pain (I believe) would’ve happened anyways. My knee pain is due to my knee cap not staying in place, so it’s likely that it would’ve dislocated in the future.

If you wore a sign what would it say?

Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not real.

What part of your daily life have you had to do differently?

I have to do physical therapy on a daily basis, I have to keep track of what increases the pain, I have to take medication, there have just been a lot of things added to my day.

What is the hardest thing you have had to go though?

I’d say the hardest thing would be when my eye pain started. There was at least half a year where all I could do without increasing the pain was sit. Sleeping hurt, having my eyes shut hurt, having them open hurt, it just hurt. During that time I tried so many remedies and even ended up in the hospital when I tried one of them. Those six months were frustrating. I had to go to school during most of that six months and I was barely making it through the day. It’s something I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. I started to lose my will to be alive and I struggled to remember God’s love for me.

How could the world around you support you better?

1. Stop putting an expected rate on healing / stop asking me when I’ll be better. The only people that I’m fine with having an expected rate are doctors, but even then they can over do it and make me feel bad for not being better. Everyone heals at different rates, so I don’t want to be scoffed at or told that I should be better.

2. Don’t let me get away with using pain as an excuse. This one is a bit tricky, but a general rule of thumb is if I’ve recently done something fun that is as hard as or harder than a chore or something I should do and I’ve had some time to rest, then go ahead and prod me to do what I should. Everyone’s going to be different with their period of rest, but if it’s been more than a couple of weeks just give a little nudge that I’ve done something fun, but strenuous, recently so I should be looking at doing something that isn’t necessarily fun.

3. Don’t suggest fixes without me asking. This can be the most frustrating thing. I know that it’s meant to be nice and well meaning, but unless you have a medical degree I really don’t want to hear yet another opinion.

4. Before this list gets too long, let me just end with this: Listen. Be someone that I can go to to rant or just talk. If you listen you’ll find the best way to support me, because you will hear my needs.